| Location | Waltham Abbey, Essex |
| Age | 1 day |
| Cause of Death | Not Listed? |
| Date of Birth | 20/03/2008 |
| Date of Death | 21/03/2008 |
| Visitors | 9,413 since 15/04/2008 |
| Creator | |
| Helpers |
~In Loving Memory ~
Tia Lillie Byron McDonnell
Born on 20th March 2008 at 23:45
Fell asleep on 21st March 2008 at 21:00
Baby daughter of Hannah Byron and Andrew McDonnell
Tia was born weighing 9lb 2oz and had a thick head of long dark brown hair, much to the surprise of
everyone in the delivery room! She had dark blue eyes and was a lovely pink colour. She will be very
much remembered by those that got to meet her. She had the cutest big feet...the newborn socks I put
on her just about fitted.
Sadly Tia passed away at only 20 hours old due to Pulmonary Hypoplasia. When I was 21 weeks pregnant
the doctors found that Tia had a pleural effusion (fluid in a space in the lung where there should
be none) and this had caused her right lung to not be able to developed properly. Further
ultrasounds later found that she also had a Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia (CDH). Tia was given a
60-70% chance of survival before birth, which unfortunately decreased when she was born. The doctors
realised her left lung had also not developed the way it should have. This caused Tia to not be able
to get enough oxygen round her body and they were unable to stabilize her. Her little heart stopped
at around 9pm as she no longer had the strength to fight.
The whole pregnancy was spent worrying about Tia and how things might go, by not just us but most of
our family and friends too. With Andy's help I was able to stay positive and we really believed our
little girl would be Ok in the end. I was referred to a Fetal Medicine Unit in London and attended
fortnightly check-ups and ultrasounds, which in spite of everything we enjoyed, as we got to see our
little girl growing at every stage and we got to see her lovely little face in 4D. At around 26
weeks pregnant I had a pleuro-amniotic drain which involved a needle going through me and into Tia's
chest to drain the excess fluid, which unfortunately re-accumulated a week later. The decision was
made not to drain it again as the cause was unknown and it would have been unnecessary to keep
putting both me and Tia through the pain. The plan was made for the birth and I would be induced two
weeks early so that the right people could be standing by ready for Tia entering the world. I went
into hospital on Monday 17th March where we had the shunt done again, in order to give Tia more lung
space when she was born, I was kept in for a few days after that. I met some lovely people while in
hospital and some great midwives. One night before bed I was put on the monitors to check Tia's
heartbeat and her little personality already started to show, she would have a lovely heartbeat
while the midwife was standing next to the machine but the moment she would walk out of the room,
Tia would 'play up' and make the alarms sound only to return to normal when the midwife came back
in. This would make both the midwife and me laugh, she was so much like her daddy already, a joker.
After days of waiting anxiously for a cot to become available and then a delivery bed, it came to
the Thursday (20th March) and I was finally to be induced, at 39 weeks. I was taken down to the
delivery room, more nervous than I've ever been in my life, not for the pain but for the worry that
I knew would come afterwards. The room was really big and all the equipment that lay waiting for the
baby terrified me. I was induced at 16:55 and then spent the next few hours trying to pass the time.
My waters broke naturally with what felt like a 'pop' at 21:50 and by 22:00 I was having really
strong contractions.
At 23:45 out came Tia with a hand over her face and the cord wrapped around her neck. The doctors
lay her on me for a second while they did what they had to do with the cord. I will never forget the
proud look on Andy's face when he looked at me, sobbing with tears telling me how beautiful our baby
girl was. I barely got to see her before she was sedated, intubated and whisked out of the room and
down to the NNU. They had to sedate her so that she wouldn't try and fight them as she tried to
breath by herself and this could have caused her harm. As soon as I got cleaned up and stitched from
my 2nd degree tear, I went straight down to meet my little girl.
She lay there so small and helpless in her incubator and from then on I didn't leave her side,
unless I had to step out for the doctors to get to her. She had taken a bad turn just after she was
born and they had to change her ventilation as she didn't like the first method. I had refused to go
up to the ward to sleep and Andy didn't want to go home, we both waited in the NNU waiting room a
few rooms down from Tia for the next 3 hours until we were allowed in to see her. She had a number
of x-rays and tests done over the next few hours which was showing that she was not doing as well as
we had all hoped she might when I was pregnant. Her right lung had ruptured leaving her with two
poorly lungs and not able to oxygenate her body. She was given a blood transfusion and then she
started to perk up, looking a lovely pink colour for what would be the last time. Her oxygen levels
were sitting at around 70-80% and this gave us so much hope for her.
The consultants explained how they had now tried everything they could for Tia and now we just
needed to hope she could stay the way she was, it was all in her hands. I stayed next to her for the
next few hours holding her tiny hand and kissing her and singing silly songs to her. The nurses
actually told me that while I was with her doing these things, her stats stayed good. It came to
about 20:00 that night and we had to step out while they did another x-ray and staff change over.
Just after 20:30, Tia's nurse was banging on our room door with tears in her eyes, telling us to
come quickly. Tia had taken a turn for the worst and her lungs were failing her...her stats were
reading at about 7% oxygen in her whole body. I walked up to my little girl crying and angry that
they had turned off her overhead heater, I was told this was because her temperature had been very
high. I knew what was happening but I couldn't face it. I pleaded with Tia to perk up but I knew it
was nearing the end. Andy and I were taken into a room where the doctor explained what was happening
and asking for our permission to turn off her machines. They assured us that they had been on the
phone all day to Great Ormond Street hospital who were giving advice and until all avenues had been
exhausted. Even still, I begged the doctor to try something else but there was nothing she could say
to me, she just sat watching me screaming and crying. The next thing, there was a knock at the door
with a male nurse calling the doctor out. The doctor walked back in and her next words were "I'm
sorry, but her heart has stopped"....Those words will stick with me forever.
Tia was supposed to be transferred to GOSH just as soon as she was stable enough to have repair
surgery on her diaphragm, but unfortunately, we never got there.
I sometimes feel so angry with myself for being so selfish and asking Tia to hang on when she was so
weak, but I just couldn't bare to lose her, I loved her too much to imagine being without her. It
seemed that she knew how hard it was for us to make the decision that was being asked of us, so she
made the choice for us.
Over the next few hours, we gave her her first cuddles and bathed and changed her. Walking out of
the hospital at around 1am without my little girl was just horrible. We made sure to get as many
memories of her as we could including photo's, a lock of her hair, the hat she wore in the NNU, her
cord clamp and her hand and footprints. They will never be enough, but they help.
I am truly thankful to the specialists that looked after Tia while she was inside me, especially Mr
Pandya and his team. We will be eternally grateful to the nurses and doctors in the Neonatal Unit
who did all they could and for not leaving Tia's side, they really are angels and we knew our little
girl was in the best hands there. Also the family and friends who have been there for us both and
have helped get us through this hard time. Also my midwives, Linda and Jaz, who have been great
support and who have not forgotten about me.
Tia was laid to rest in Waltham Abbey Cemetery on 2nd April 2008 after a lovely service held at
Waltham Abbey Church, by Rev Martin Webster. The church had few empty seats, if any and it was nice
to have such a good turn out for our little girl. It just showed how many people wanted to meet her
and how loved she is.
I would like to thank all those people who kindly and generously donated money at Tia's funeral to
the 'Tia Fund' that will soon be given to the NNU at University College Hospital, London, in Tia's
name to help sick babies like her.
Tia meant to world to both her me and her daddy and she would have been the most loved and spoiled
little girl there ever was. We may have only got 20 hours with her but it felt like a lifetime and
we will cherish those hours in our hearts forever.
Tia you are the most beautiful thing we have ever seen. You are the best thing that has ever
happened to us and we are, and always will be, so proud of you princess. We will never ever forget
you! Sleep well and go play with angels darling, our only comfort is knowing you're not suffering
anymore...
We love you so much, Mummy & Daddy xxxxx
---------------------
Update May08
We raised £650 from Tia's funeral which was donated to the Neo-Natal Unit at UCLH on 28th April 08.
With the help of Gift Aid the hospital should also be able to claim an extra £182 from the
government, giving them a total of £832! We suggested that the money be used to improve facilities
for parents who's babies were in the NNU. There is now a memorial of Tia on the wall of the NNU
showing the money that was donated in her memory.
---------------------
Update Sept08
I am pregnant again with Tia's little brother or sister due 5th February 09! We know what we are
having but are not revealing until the day, but lets just say we are over the moon! We know that Tia
has been watching over us as for once we are getting some good luck and things are looking better, i
hope that this little darling i'm carrying will resemble you so we can see you growing up with them
as the years go on. Nothing or no-one can fill the empty space we feel in our hearts, but I guess
having your sibling is the closest we will be to you my sweetheart. xxxxxx
Update Feb09
Tia's baby sister Layla Rose came into the world on 7th Feb 09 at 2:55am, weighing 8lbs 12oz. She is
happy and healthy and the image of her big sister..x
Them and Us
When I tell them that my heart still hurts
They don’t know what to say,
When I tell them that my eyes still cry
They look the other way.
How could they know the pain I have
And the sorrow that I feel?
For they haven’t lost a precious child
So for them this isn’t real.
I can’t say that I blame them
For I was once like they,
Not knowing what to do
I would turn the other way.
But now I know, oh, how I know
What another mother feels,
For only when you have lost a child
Our mutual pain is oh so real.
This painful loss that bereaved mothers share
Brings us closer in our hearts,
Now when we meet and share our babes
We are friends right from the start.
for your mummy tia. xxx
We are connected, My child and I,
by an invisible cord, not seen by the eye.
It's not like the cord that connects
us 'til birth
This cord can't be seen by any on Earth.
This cord does its work right from the start.
It binds us together, attatched to my heart.
I know that it's there, though no one can see,
The invisible cord from my child to me.
The strength of this cord is hard to describe.
It can't be destroyed, it can't be denied.
It's stronger than any cord man could create,
It withstands the test, can hold any weight.
And though you are gone,
Though you are not here with me,
The cord is still there, but no one can see.
It pulls at my heart, I am bruised...I am sore,
But this cord is my lifeline, as never before.
I am thankful that God connects us this way,
A mother and child--Death can't take it away!
The poem that I wrote for you...
I feel like my heart is breaking,
I don't know how I can ever go on.
I still can't believe its happened,
I still can't believe that you're gone.
Theres not a minute goes by I dont miss you,
Or think of the future that we nearly had.
I'd give anything to have you back here,
I don't think I've ever been so sad.
You're the baby that I always dreamt of,
You are perfect in every way.
You're the best thing thats ever happened to me,
So why didn't you get to stay?
I know I begged you not to leave me,
I couldn't imagine life without you.
But now I feel so bad I did that,
As I saw you little body turn blue.
The doctors, they said you were going,
And that it was time to say our goodbyes.
But I didn't want them to say it,
I just hoped they were telling me lies.
I saw that your Daddy had broken,
When he looked at me knowing its time.
I couldn't see how I could do it,
I couldn't because you were mine.
I treasure those months I had with you,
wriggling and kicking around.
My happiness grew with my belly,
Now forever by our hearts we are bound.
We had worried so much about you,
always wondering if you'd be alright.
Everyone could see how strong we were being,
But to hide our tears took all our might.
Then on the that wonderful day you came out to meet us,
You're the most beautiful thing I have seen.
Even with all the worry and pain,
Thats the happiest I've ever been.
I want you to know I'm so proud of you,
That you put up such a good fight.
But you lost the battle with your body,
Now I cry for you every night.
Now you're no longer suffering, you're happy,
You're so far from us, yet you're so near.
For I carry you everywhere with me,
In my heart is where you are Tia.
I'll always save a piece of it for you,
As you'll always be my special girl.
I'm happier for having had met you,
Sweet baby girl you're my world.
Hannah Byron 28May08
Words alone cannot express how much love I have for you and how my heart aches for you... xxx
THINKING OF YOU
_____*hug*___*hug*__ __*h ug*___*hug*____
___*hug*______*hug*_ *hug*_______*hug*__
__*hug*__________*hu g*__________*hug*__
__*hug*_____________ ___________*hug*___
___*hug*_________ ________*hug*____
____*hug____________ _________*hug*_____
______*hug*_________ _______*hug*_______
________*hug*_______ _____*hug*_________
__________*hug*_____ ___*hug*___________
_____*hug*___*hug*__ __*hug*___*hug*____
___*hug*______*hug*_ *hug*_______*hug*__
__*hug*__________*hu g*__________*hug*__
__*hug*_____________ ___________*hug*___
___*hug*_______THINK ING________*hug*____
____*hug________OF YOU ________hug*_____
______*hug*_________ ________*hug*______
________*hug*_______ ______*hug*________
__________*hug*_____ ____*hug*___________
___________*hug*____ ___*hug*____________
____________*hug*___ __*hug*___________
_____________*hug*__ _*hug*___________
______________*hug*_ *hug*_____________
_________________*hu g*_______________
(*(**)*)*)*(*(**)*)) *((*)*)**((*)*)*()*)
** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **
·.♥.·°.°·. ♥.·°.°·.♥.·°..
☆ * ☆* ☆ *☆ * ☆ *
Sweet dreams Angel
* ☆ *☆ * ☆ *☆ * ☆ *
~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~
R.I.P Princess _x
R.I.P Tia
Hope your having fun up in heaven ..
everyones still thinking of you!
always in our hearts :)
you ment so much to everyone.
its a shame i never got to meet you :(
love you always x
r.i.p baby girl
Lots of love x
Lauren
Hello Princess
Hello beautiful Tia Lillie
Just wanted to say how nice it was to spend time with your lovely Mummy yesterday. As you know, we got out our Memory Boxes and talked about you and Joshua. I got to see your gorgeous photos and hand and foot print. You look so bonny and healthy and perfect; it doesn't seem right to think that you were in fact so poorly.
I am glad I got to see your little garden - Mummy and Daddy and your family really keep it beautiful for you, I was so impressed!
It was also great to see the Abbey where your funeral was held, what a fitting place for such a special occasion.
I won't be able to get to my computer until Tuesday as we are house-sitting for my Auntie and she does not have internet connection. So tell Mummy that I can't check my emails or go on GTS until then Baby Girl.
Hope you are having a wonderful time in Paradise. I'm sure you've met my Mum and she has had a cuddle of you - she's good with girls; she had 3! Hope you are also close to my angel-baby Joshua too.
Bless you little Snowflake, my beautiful Snow White Princess. Send your Mummy and Daddy an extra little kiss tonight and cuddle them in their dreams. They miss you so much and they are so proud of you, their shining star. They are wonderful and special parents as you know.
I didn't get to meet you on this earth but I still feel like I know you and I miss you and care for you. My heart aches for your Mummy and Daddy, but they are strong and they are very in love and will help each other through this. I know you will stay close and send them little signs and acts of grace when they need it most. You will always be with them.
Lots of love, cuddles and butterfly kisses from Rachel xxxxxx
A Mothers Love...
I thought of you and closed my eyes; and prayed to God today,
I asked what makes a mother and I know I heard him say...
A mother has a baby, and this we know is true.
'But God can you be a mother when your baby's not with you?'
'Yes you can' he replied with confidence in his voice.
'I give many women babies, when they leave is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime; and others for a day and some I send to feel your womb, there no need to stay.'
'I just don't understand this God I want my baby here.'
He took a breath and cleared his throat and then I saw a tear.
'I wish I could show you what Tia is doing today, if you could see her smile with other children and here them say,
'We go to earth to learn our lessons of love and life and fear, my mummy loves me oh so much, I got to come straight here.'
I feel so lucky to have a mummy who has so much love for me, I learned my lessons very quickly, and my mummy set me free.
I miss my mummy oh so much but I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep, on her pillow is where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheeks, and whisper in her ear
'Mummy don’t be sad today, I'm your baby and I'm here'
So you see my dear sweet one, your child is okay,
Tia is here with me, and this is where she'll stay,
She will wait here for you with me, until your lessons through.
On the day that you come home, she will be at the gates for you,
So now you see what makes a mother, it’s the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of, right from the very start
The Cord
We are connected, my child and I
By an invisible cord not seen by the eye,
It’s not like the cord that connects us till birth
This cord can’t be seen by any on earth.
This cord does its work right off from the start
It binds us together attached to my heart,
I know that it’s there though no-one can see
The invisible cord from my baby to me.
The strength of this cord is hard to describe
It can’t be destroyed, it can’t be denied,
It’s stronger than any cord man could create
It withstands any test and can hold any weight.
And though you are gone, now you’re not here with me
The cord is still there although no-one can see,
It pulls at my heart: I am bruised, I am sore
But this cord is my lifeline as never before.
I am thankful that God can connect us this way
A mother and child – death can’t take that away,
Although it is painful, I would never deny
This cord that connects us; my child and I.
Just for today...
This poem was given to me by a dear friend who truly knows how i'm feeling at the moment, thank you honey, this really does reflect how i'm feeling right now.
Just for today I will try to get through the next 24 hours and not expect to get over my daughter’s death, but instead learn to live with it.
Just for today I will remember my daughter’s life, not her death, and bask in the comfort of all those treasured days and moments we shared while I carried her.
Just for today I will forgive all the family and friends who didn’t help or comfort me the way I wanted them to.
They truly did not know how.
Just for today I will smile no matter how much I hurt on the inside, for maybe if I smile a little, my heart will soften and I will begin to heal.
Just for today I will reach out to comfort a relative or a friend, for they are hurting too.
Perhaps we can comfort each other.
Just for today I will free myself from my self-inflicted burden of guilt.
For in my heart I know if there was anything in this world I could have done to heal my daughter, I would have done it.
Just for today I will honour my daughter’s memory by doing something with another child. Because I know that would have made my own child proud.
Just for today I will offer my hand in friendship to another bereaved parent.
For I do know how it feels.
Just for today when my heart feels like breaking, I will stop and remember that grief is the price we pay for loving.
And the only reason I hurt is because I had the privilege of loving so much.
Just for today I will not compare myself with others.
I am fortunate to be called a Mummy.
Just for today I will allow myself to be happy.
For I know that I am not deserting her by moving on.
Just for today I will accept the fact that I am alive whilst my child is not.
My life does go on, and I am the only one who can make that life worthwhile once more.
Just for today
Memories x x x
If we could have a lifetime wish
A dream that would come true,
We'd pray to God with all our hearts
For yesterday and You.
A thousand words can't bring you back
We know because we've tried...
Neither will a thousand tears
We know because we've cried...
You left behind our broken hearts
And happy memories too...
But we never wanted memories
We only wanted You.
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