| Location | Waltham Abbey, Essex |
| Age | 1 day |
| Cause of Death | Not Listed? |
| Date of Birth | 20/03/2008 |
| Date of Death | 21/03/2008 |
| Visitors | 9,336 since 15/04/2008 |
| Creator | |
| Helpers |
~In Loving Memory ~
Tia Lillie Byron McDonnell
Born on 20th March 2008 at 23:45
Fell asleep on 21st March 2008 at 21:00
Baby daughter of Hannah Byron and Andrew McDonnell
Tia was born weighing 9lb 2oz and had a thick head of long dark brown hair, much to the surprise of
everyone in the delivery room! She had dark blue eyes and was a lovely pink colour. She will be very
much remembered by those that got to meet her. She had the cutest big feet...the newborn socks I put
on her just about fitted.
Sadly Tia passed away at only 20 hours old due to Pulmonary Hypoplasia. When I was 21 weeks pregnant
the doctors found that Tia had a pleural effusion (fluid in a space in the lung where there should
be none) and this had caused her right lung to not be able to developed properly. Further
ultrasounds later found that she also had a Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia (CDH). Tia was given a
60-70% chance of survival before birth, which unfortunately decreased when she was born. The doctors
realised her left lung had also not developed the way it should have. This caused Tia to not be able
to get enough oxygen round her body and they were unable to stabilize her. Her little heart stopped
at around 9pm as she no longer had the strength to fight.
The whole pregnancy was spent worrying about Tia and how things might go, by not just us but most of
our family and friends too. With Andy's help I was able to stay positive and we really believed our
little girl would be Ok in the end. I was referred to a Fetal Medicine Unit in London and attended
fortnightly check-ups and ultrasounds, which in spite of everything we enjoyed, as we got to see our
little girl growing at every stage and we got to see her lovely little face in 4D. At around 26
weeks pregnant I had a pleuro-amniotic drain which involved a needle going through me and into Tia's
chest to drain the excess fluid, which unfortunately re-accumulated a week later. The decision was
made not to drain it again as the cause was unknown and it would have been unnecessary to keep
putting both me and Tia through the pain. The plan was made for the birth and I would be induced two
weeks early so that the right people could be standing by ready for Tia entering the world. I went
into hospital on Monday 17th March where we had the shunt done again, in order to give Tia more lung
space when she was born, I was kept in for a few days after that. I met some lovely people while in
hospital and some great midwives. One night before bed I was put on the monitors to check Tia's
heartbeat and her little personality already started to show, she would have a lovely heartbeat
while the midwife was standing next to the machine but the moment she would walk out of the room,
Tia would 'play up' and make the alarms sound only to return to normal when the midwife came back
in. This would make both the midwife and me laugh, she was so much like her daddy already, a joker.
After days of waiting anxiously for a cot to become available and then a delivery bed, it came to
the Thursday (20th March) and I was finally to be induced, at 39 weeks. I was taken down to the
delivery room, more nervous than I've ever been in my life, not for the pain but for the worry that
I knew would come afterwards. The room was really big and all the equipment that lay waiting for the
baby terrified me. I was induced at 16:55 and then spent the next few hours trying to pass the time.
My waters broke naturally with what felt like a 'pop' at 21:50 and by 22:00 I was having really
strong contractions.
At 23:45 out came Tia with a hand over her face and the cord wrapped around her neck. The doctors
lay her on me for a second while they did what they had to do with the cord. I will never forget the
proud look on Andy's face when he looked at me, sobbing with tears telling me how beautiful our baby
girl was. I barely got to see her before she was sedated, intubated and whisked out of the room and
down to the NNU. They had to sedate her so that she wouldn't try and fight them as she tried to
breath by herself and this could have caused her harm. As soon as I got cleaned up and stitched from
my 2nd degree tear, I went straight down to meet my little girl.
She lay there so small and helpless in her incubator and from then on I didn't leave her side,
unless I had to step out for the doctors to get to her. She had taken a bad turn just after she was
born and they had to change her ventilation as she didn't like the first method. I had refused to go
up to the ward to sleep and Andy didn't want to go home, we both waited in the NNU waiting room a
few rooms down from Tia for the next 3 hours until we were allowed in to see her. She had a number
of x-rays and tests done over the next few hours which was showing that she was not doing as well as
we had all hoped she might when I was pregnant. Her right lung had ruptured leaving her with two
poorly lungs and not able to oxygenate her body. She was given a blood transfusion and then she
started to perk up, looking a lovely pink colour for what would be the last time. Her oxygen levels
were sitting at around 70-80% and this gave us so much hope for her.
The consultants explained how they had now tried everything they could for Tia and now we just
needed to hope she could stay the way she was, it was all in her hands. I stayed next to her for the
next few hours holding her tiny hand and kissing her and singing silly songs to her. The nurses
actually told me that while I was with her doing these things, her stats stayed good. It came to
about 20:00 that night and we had to step out while they did another x-ray and staff change over.
Just after 20:30, Tia's nurse was banging on our room door with tears in her eyes, telling us to
come quickly. Tia had taken a turn for the worst and her lungs were failing her...her stats were
reading at about 7% oxygen in her whole body. I walked up to my little girl crying and angry that
they had turned off her overhead heater, I was told this was because her temperature had been very
high. I knew what was happening but I couldn't face it. I pleaded with Tia to perk up but I knew it
was nearing the end. Andy and I were taken into a room where the doctor explained what was happening
and asking for our permission to turn off her machines. They assured us that they had been on the
phone all day to Great Ormond Street hospital who were giving advice and until all avenues had been
exhausted. Even still, I begged the doctor to try something else but there was nothing she could say
to me, she just sat watching me screaming and crying. The next thing, there was a knock at the door
with a male nurse calling the doctor out. The doctor walked back in and her next words were "I'm
sorry, but her heart has stopped"....Those words will stick with me forever.
Tia was supposed to be transferred to GOSH just as soon as she was stable enough to have repair
surgery on her diaphragm, but unfortunately, we never got there.
I sometimes feel so angry with myself for being so selfish and asking Tia to hang on when she was so
weak, but I just couldn't bare to lose her, I loved her too much to imagine being without her. It
seemed that she knew how hard it was for us to make the decision that was being asked of us, so she
made the choice for us.
Over the next few hours, we gave her her first cuddles and bathed and changed her. Walking out of
the hospital at around 1am without my little girl was just horrible. We made sure to get as many
memories of her as we could including photo's, a lock of her hair, the hat she wore in the NNU, her
cord clamp and her hand and footprints. They will never be enough, but they help.
I am truly thankful to the specialists that looked after Tia while she was inside me, especially Mr
Pandya and his team. We will be eternally grateful to the nurses and doctors in the Neonatal Unit
who did all they could and for not leaving Tia's side, they really are angels and we knew our little
girl was in the best hands there. Also the family and friends who have been there for us both and
have helped get us through this hard time. Also my midwives, Linda and Jaz, who have been great
support and who have not forgotten about me.
Tia was laid to rest in Waltham Abbey Cemetery on 2nd April 2008 after a lovely service held at
Waltham Abbey Church, by Rev Martin Webster. The church had few empty seats, if any and it was nice
to have such a good turn out for our little girl. It just showed how many people wanted to meet her
and how loved she is.
I would like to thank all those people who kindly and generously donated money at Tia's funeral to
the 'Tia Fund' that will soon be given to the NNU at University College Hospital, London, in Tia's
name to help sick babies like her.
Tia meant to world to both her me and her daddy and she would have been the most loved and spoiled
little girl there ever was. We may have only got 20 hours with her but it felt like a lifetime and
we will cherish those hours in our hearts forever.
Tia you are the most beautiful thing we have ever seen. You are the best thing that has ever
happened to us and we are, and always will be, so proud of you princess. We will never ever forget
you! Sleep well and go play with angels darling, our only comfort is knowing you're not suffering
anymore...
We love you so much, Mummy & Daddy xxxxx
---------------------
Update May08
We raised £650 from Tia's funeral which was donated to the Neo-Natal Unit at UCLH on 28th April 08.
With the help of Gift Aid the hospital should also be able to claim an extra £182 from the
government, giving them a total of £832! We suggested that the money be used to improve facilities
for parents who's babies were in the NNU. There is now a memorial of Tia on the wall of the NNU
showing the money that was donated in her memory.
---------------------
Update Sept08
I am pregnant again with Tia's little brother or sister due 5th February 09! We know what we are
having but are not revealing until the day, but lets just say we are over the moon! We know that Tia
has been watching over us as for once we are getting some good luck and things are looking better, i
hope that this little darling i'm carrying will resemble you so we can see you growing up with them
as the years go on. Nothing or no-one can fill the empty space we feel in our hearts, but I guess
having your sibling is the closest we will be to you my sweetheart. xxxxxx
Update Feb09
Tia's baby sister Layla Rose came into the world on 7th Feb 09 at 2:55am, weighing 8lbs 12oz. She is
happy and healthy and the image of her big sister..x
I hope you are watching me my little angel..
My Mum doesn't know I'm watching her
but I'm watching her just the same.
And I hear each tear fall on her face
at the mention of my name.
She says it sounds like music to her ears
and can be heard over a crowd.
I hear each tear fall on her face,
when my name is said aloud.
I watch her stumble through each day
as she wishes the day would end.
And I hear each tear fall on her face
as she talks of me with her friends.
But there are few who truly understand.
this I've heard her proclaim.
And I hear each tear fall on her face.
Will my Mum ever be the same?
I know that her smile can light up a sky,
But I don't see that smile today.
But I hear each tear fall on her face,
and her blue skies have turned to grey.
I send my mum hugs full of love
with the rays of the morning sun.
Then I won't hear a tear fall on her face,
for I shall erase them one by one.
Yes, my Mum doesn't know I'm watching her,
but I'm watching her just the same.
And when I hear a tear fall on her face
I softly whisper her name...
Halloween
Happy Halloween princess!
Now you be good up there tonight and dont go eating too many sweeties will you, you'll rot the one tooth that you probably have by now. Daddy and me are going to watch uncle Matt in his show tonight but i'll be thinking of you and wishing i could have taken you out tonight. I would have dressed you in a little fat pumpkin suit, you would have looked so cute!
Sending you lots of kisses and cuddles, love you!!!
Mummy xxxx
Snow in October! It could only be you...xx
Hello my darling little angel.
I hope i havent been upsetting you by crying at your garden these last few nights. It's just that i miss you so much and I hate thinking of your little body all cold in the dark, even though I know you're not there and that your spirit is with me, I cant tell you how much I long to pick you up and snuggle you again. Daddy and me have been visiting to light your lantern every night and will be coming again tonight after work. Its so nice thinking that you have a night-light to leave a glow around you as we leave. We bought you a pumpkin last night that we will carve for you tonight, nothing too spooky though, maybe a cat sitting on the moon or something? We'll bring it down to your garden tomorrow night along with the little light up ghost aunty Lauren bought for you.
It was Daddys first week at his new job this week, he's really enjoying it actually, it's only training at the moment but thats only for another 4 weeks. He's been doing really well and getting top marks in all the tests he's had to do, your Daddy's so clever!
We went out at the weekend shopping, spending too much money as always but we happened to see some battery powered christmas lights so we got them for your tree, that we're yet to buy. We'll get you a little one so that it looks christmassy. Also got you an LED snowflake and me and Daddy will have the same one on a shelf at home. We also bought a christmas tree decoration that it a little fairy covered in glitter, it made me think of you.
It was nice seeing the snow the other day, I didnt even realise but then Nanny phoned me and told me to look outside. It really made me think of you, it snowed the night we lost you. Remember? I was telling you all about the snow that i could see coming down through the window behind your cot in the neo-natal unit. It was funny as you were all toasty and warm under your heater and it was freezing outside!! Every time i look at my charm bracelet and see the snowflake, it makes me think of that...
If you can sweetie, can you somehow tell your little sibling to leave mummy's ribs alone as they've been getting a pounding today, heehee! Baby is getting so big now and im getting so excited about meeting h** (I cant say on here incase people see who dont know yet, but you know what im talking about). I can't wait to see how much alike you look, if you do that is. You were Daddy's lookalike where as this little one might be mummy's...we'll just have to wait and see.
Mummy's birthday is coming up soon, Daddy has something really special planned for me as its my 21st, but everyone is keeping it secret. I so wish you could have been here to celebrate with me, that would have made my birthday PERFECT...
Christmas is fast approaching as its going to be horrible not having you here, you would have been spoiled rotten with all the presents you could imagine. On Christmas day i will visit your garden but we're also going to visit J Markfield's where you had a little rest before making your journey, we've been told they release white doves in memory of loved ones so weren't going to miss that.
We are going to a memorial service at the Abbey Church on Sunday, at 6.30pm and i'll be lighting a candle for you and thinking of you sweetheart.
Missing you more each day, try and visit me in my dreams a bit more, or Daddy. We like to feel you near.
All my love as always,
Your ever loving Mummy xxxx
Life Within & A Place in our Hearts
'Life Within'
To have known life within
Is to have known joy
And the freshness of beginnings:
To have life snatched away
Leaves me with hands outstretched,
My arms open wide,
Feeling emptiness and space,
Rather than the weight of my child,
With newborn warmth and silken hair.
My body, so full of kicks and squirms one day,
Is barren and lifeless the next
Stripped of its child,
That I never knew. Yet I did know and love.
'A place in our Hearts'
There is a place in our hearts meant for you alone
Part of our lives only you can own.
The tears in our eyes we can wipe away,
But the love in our hearts will always stay.
May the winds of love blow softly
And whisper for you to hear
How much we will always love you.
To us you were so dear.
Talk to Me
Like the raindrops touch the land
Like the ocean hugs the sand
Like the bird sings to be free
Talk to me.
Like the wind talks to the trees
With a soft whispering breeze
Like the sun kisses the leaves
Talk to me.
Words have the magic to ease the pain we all can feel
They're the power for the future
For the hungry eyes that burn for light to see
Talk to me.
Like the raindrops touch the land
Like the ocean hugs the sand
Like the bird sings to be free
Talk to me.
Like the wind talks to the trees
With a soft whispering breeze
Like the sun kisses the leaves
Talk to me.
Precious Child
In my dreams, you are alive and well
Precious child, precious child
In my mind, I see you clear as a bell
Precious child, precious child
In my soul, there is a hole
That can never be filled
But in my heart, there is hope
'Cause you are with me still
In my heart, you live on
Always there never gone
Precious child, you left too soon
Tho' it may be true that we're apart
You will live forever... in my heart
In my plans, I was the first to leave
Precious child, precious child
But in this world, I was left here to grieve
Precious child, my precious child
In my soul, there is a hole
That can never be filled
But in my heart there is hope
And you are with me still
In my heart you live on
Always there, never gone
Precious child, you left too soon,
Tho' it may be true that we're apart
You will live forever... in my heart
God knows I want to hold you,
See you, touch you
And maybe there's a heaven
And someday I will again
Please know you are not forgotten until then
In my heart you live on
Always there never gone
Precious child, you left too soon
Tho' it may be true that we're apart
You will live forever... in my heart
Karen Taylor-Good (Lyrics)
Back from our weekend break...
Hello you, back home safe and sound. First thing i did was check on your flowers and they are fine. I would have loved you to come with us on holiday but i know you were there with us, i cant believe when i asked you to help me and aunty lauren on the slot machines loads of money fell out! Clever girl!! We had so much fun and didnt want to come home, feels like all we did was laugh all weekend. Also in the last few days your little sibling has decided to have a growth spurt and my belly now looks huge! felt so many kicks while we were away. There were lots of people with babies there and i so so wished that i could have taken you, you would have loved it. Thanks for making the weather nice for us too, it couldnt have been better. Seeing the monkeys at monkey world was good fun, they were so cute and it was funny when daddy was winding the baby orangutan Dinda up, she was sticking her tongue out at him, i bet you were up there giggling away werent you. All Uncle Matt and Daddy did the whole time was wind aunty lauren and mummy up with their farting and burping... smelly boys lol, its scary how much alike they are, us girls would have stuck together ay :). I hope you liked the little something i brought back for you, ive left it in your garden, i worked so hard to get that for you :) Had a lovely time and it was just what daddy and me needed but now i feel exhausted and need a good rest from all that walking.
Anyway, will come and see you again tomorrow Daddy has the week off with me so we're going to spend sometime together, i guess this is the last proper chance we have to be on our own before baby comes along. Its not long now is it princess, Mummy is so scared.
Love you lots and i'm blowing you some kisses x X x X x X x
To my darling little princess
Hey sweetie pie,
I've been thinking about you lots and lots and miss you more each day im without you. It seems to be getting harder, not easier :( Its been nice having your little sibling to keep my mind busy. I've just started feeling movements and its so strange as it feels like just yesterday it was you in there. Had another scan to check on baby on Tuesday, auntie Lauren came with us and she loved seeing baby. It even did a big yawn for us, it was so cute. I still remember all your scans like they were yesterday, it was funny actually as the baby looks just like you. You both have the same button nose! Its been really funny keeping the gender secret from everyone, they all want to know and keep asking but me and daddy aren't going to tell them, they'll all have to wait...its our little secret ay princess! I must admit, it was a lot nicer being pregnant with you, you were no trouble, this little one in here is really playing up for me lol. I've had a bad back, lots of headaches and sickness and i'm still not back to drinking tea...Not to mention, cold after cold. Anyway, nearly half way now so not long left.
Not a day goes by when i dont think about you Tia, or wish you back here with me and that you'd be healthy. Some days i still can't believe you've come and gone, it doesnt feel real. I just hope that where ever you are, you're happy and know that me and daddy love and miss you so much. You'll always be our special first born daughter. I can't wait for our holiday to get away from it all, i hope you'll come with us. I'd give anything to have both my babies with me come February, cuddling you both and tucking you in for bed.
Love you with all my heart my darling girl....xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Still finding each day so hard without you...
My mummy lives down there on earth
I'm in 'The great somewhere'
Some people call it heaven
There are lots of angels there
I've got lots of of baby angel friends
We've all got fluffy wings
We fly around, and laugh and play
Do lots of funny things
Sometimes we'll send a feather
It floats down to the ground
If an angels mummy picks it up
She knows then, We're around
Other times we'll form a circle
Give a mummy's heart a tug
Then we wrap our wings around her
Thats called' an angel hug'
We see Daddy's too from way up here
And help them when we can
An angels daddy needs hugs too
Even though he is a man
You cant see us, nor touch or feel
But we are so close by
In the sun, the rain ,the air you breathe
In every smile, or tear you cry
Heavens not too far away
And we'll never be apart
All of us still live with you
We're right there, in your heart!
Missing you so much...
Hello my darling little girl. I have been posting candles but haven't wrote a tribute in a while because i've been finding it too hard. I thought the pain might be easing now but it still hurts as though we lost you yesterday. Daddy and me talk about you all the time and about what might have been. I can't believe you'd have been 4 months old already, you've have been so big by now. I really hope parts of you live on in your brothers or sisters and we get to see you growing and learning with them. I wish i could have taken your place and let you stay here with daddy, you would have loved him so much. He's so funny and loving and I've never met anyone quite like him. I know he's going to make a great daddy for your brothers and sisters, everyone does. We are going on holiday with Uncle Matt and Aunty Lauren soon, just for a little break away from it all. Mummy needs a good rest! I've been looking at your photos this morning and having a good cry. It does help to let it out, i just wish i didnt have to cry. It should be you here crying, telling me that you want something. Daddy has been asked to be god parent to little Evie, he's so happy about that. She's such a cutie, got lots of hair like you have. You two would have been little friends i bet with only a month between you. I bet you're really excited about February aren't you, i know i am. I can't wait, but would rather have you here with us, that would make me a lot happier. Nanny's going on holiday soon, look after her won't you, watch over her and keep her safe. I hope you liked all you new things that Aunty Julie and Aunty Marion put in your garden for you, it is getting a bit crowded now isn't it lol. Well at least you wont get bored and you have lots of things to look at and play with. I got all your things out when they came to visit, even showed them your baby record book i finished for you. It made Nanny cry though as she always does when she talks or thinks of you. You would have been so spoiled by her princess, she loves you to bits. you would have got away with things with her that even i couldn't :-) Anyway hunny bun i'm going to go for now, but just becuase i'm not writing messages everyday doesn't mean i'm not thinking of you because you are ALWAYS on my mind.
Love you with all my heart my special little snowflake girl,
Mummy xxxxxx
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