| Location | Waltham Abbey, Essex |
| Age | 1 day |
| Cause of Death | Organ Failure |
| Date of Birth | 20/03/2008 |
| Date of Death | 21/03/2008 |
| Visitors | 13,403 since 15/04/2008 |
| Creator |
~In Loving Memory ~
Tia Lillie Byron McDonnell
Born on 20th March 2008 at 23:45
Fell asleep on 21st March 2008 at 21:00
Baby daughter of Hannah Byron and Andrew McDonnell
Tia was born weighing 9lb 2oz and had a thick head of long dark brown hair, much to the surprise of everyone in the delivery room! She had dark blue eyes and was a lovely pink colour. She will be very much remembered by those that got to meet her. She had the cutest big feet...the newborn socks I put on her just about fitted.
Sadly Tia passed away at only 20 hours old due to Pulmonary Hypoplasia. When I was 21 weeks pregnant the doctors found that Tia had a pleural effusion (fluid in a space in the lung where there should be none) and this had caused her right lung to not be able to develop properly. Further ultrasounds later found that she also had a Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia (CDH). Tia was given a 60-70% chance of survival before birth, which unfortunately decreased when she was born. The doctors realised her left lung had also not developed the way it should have. This caused Tia to not be able to get enough oxygen round her body and they were unable to stabilize her. Her little heart stopped at around 9pm as she no longer had the strength to fight.
The whole pregnancy was spent worrying about Tia and how things might go, by not just us but most of our family and friends too. With Andy's help I was able to stay positive and we really believed our little girl would be Ok in the end. I was referred to a Fetal Medicine Unit in London and attended fortnightly check-ups and ultrasounds, which in spite of everything we enjoyed, as we got to see our little girl growing at every stage and we got to see her lovely little face in 3D. At around 26 weeks pregnant I had a pleuro-amniotic drain which involved a needle going through me and into Tia's chest to drain the excess fluid, which unfortunately re-accumulated a week later. The decision was made not to drain it again as the cause was unknown and it would have been unnecessary to keep putting both me and Tia through the pain. The plan was made for the birth and I would be induced two weeks early so that the right people could be standing by ready for Tia entering the world. I went into hospital on Monday 17th March where we had the drain done again, in order to give Tia more lung space when she was born, I was kept in for a few days after that. I met some lovely people while in hospital and some great midwives. One night before bed I was put on the monitors to check Tia's heartbeat and her little personality already started to show, she would have a lovely heartbeat while the midwife was standing next to the machine but the moment she would walk out of the room, Tia would 'play up' and make the alarms sound only to return to normal when the midwife came back in.. After days of waiting anxiously for a cot to become available and then a delivery bed, it came to the Thursday (20th March) and I was finally to be induced, at 39 weeks. I was taken down to the delivery room, more nervous than I've ever been in my life, not for the pain but for the worry that I knew would come afterwards. The room was really big and all the equipment that lay waiting for the baby terrified me. I was induced at 16:55 and then spent the next few hours trying to pass the time. My waters broke naturally with what felt like a 'pop' at 21:50 and by 22:00 I was having really strong contractions.
At 23:45 out came Tia with a hand over her face and the cord wrapped around her neck. The doctors lay her on me for a second while they did what they had to do with the cord. I will never forget the proud look on Andy's face when he looked at me, sobbing with tears telling me how beautiful our baby girl was. I barely got to see her before she was sedated, intubated and whisked out of the room and down to the NNU. They had to sedate her so that she wouldn't try and fight them as she tried to breath by herself and this could have caused her harm. As soon as I got cleaned up and stitched from my 2nd degree tear, I went straight down to meet my little girl.
She lay there so small and helpless in her incubator and from then on I didn't leave her side, unless I had to step out for the doctors to get to her. She had taken a bad turn just after she was born and they had to change her ventilation as she didn't like the first method. I had refused to go up to the ward to sleep and Andy didn't want to go home, we both waited in the NNU waiting room a few rooms down from Tia for the next 3 hours until we were allowed in to see her. She had a number of x-rays and tests done over the next few hours which was showing that she was not doing as well as we had all hoped she might when I was pregnant. Her right lung had ruptured leaving her with two poorly lungs and not able to oxygenate her body. She was given a blood transfusion and then she started to perk up, looking a lovely pink colour for what would be the last time. Her oxygen levels were sitting at around 70-80% and this gave us so much hope for her.
The consultants explained how they had now tried everything they could for Tia and now we just needed to hope she could stay the way she was, it was all in her hands. I stayed next to her for the next few hours holding her tiny hand and kissing her and singing silly songs to her. The nurses actually told me that while I was with her doing these things, her stats stayed good. It came to about 20:00 that night and we had to step out while they did another x-ray and staff change over. Just after 20:30, Tia's nurse was banging on our room door with tears in her eyes, telling us to come quickly. Tia had taken a turn for the worst and her lungs were failing her...her stats were reading at about 7% oxygen in her whole body. I walked up to my little girl crying and angry that they had turned off her overhead heater, I was told this was because her temperature had been very high. I knew what was happening but I couldn't face it. I pleaded with Tia to perk up but I knew it was nearing the end. Andy and I were taken into a room where the doctor explained what was happening and asking for our permission to turn off her machines. They assured us that they had been on the phone all day to Great Ormond Street hospital who were giving advice and until all avenues had been exhausted. Even still, I begged the doctor to try something else but there was nothing she could say to me, she just sat watching me screaming and crying. The next thing, there was a knock at the door with a male nurse calling the doctor out. The doctor walked back in and her next words were "I'm sorry, but her heart has stopped"....Those words will stick with me forever.
Tia was supposed to be transferred to GOSH just as soon as she was stable enough to have repair surgery on her diaphragm, but unfortunately, we just never got there.
I sometimes feel so angry with myself for being so selfish and asking Tia to hang on when she was so weak, but I just couldn't bare to lose her, I loved her too much to imagine being without her. It seemed that she knew how hard it was for us to make the decision that was being asked of us, so she made the choice for us.
Over the next few hours, we gave her her first cuddles and bathed and changed her. Walking out of the hospital at around 1am without my little girl was just horrible. We made sure to get as many memories of her as we could including photo's, a lock of her hair, the hat she wore in the NNU, her cord clamp and her hand and footprints. They will never be enough, but they help.
I am truly thankful to the specialists that looked after Tia while she was inside me, especially Mr Pandya and his team. We will be eternally grateful to the nurses and doctors in the Neonatal Unit who did all they could and for not leaving Tia's side, they really are angels and we knew our little girl was in the best hands there. Also the family and friends who have been there for us both and have helped get us through this hard time. Also my midwife, Linda Henry, who has been great support and who have not forgotten about me.
Tia was laid to rest in Waltham Abbey Cemetery on 2nd April 2008 after a lovely service held at Waltham Abbey Church, by Rev Martin Webster. The church had few empty seats, if any and it was nice to have such a good turn out for our little girl. It just showed how many people wanted to meet her and how loved she is.
I would like to thank all those people who kindly and generously donated money at Tia's funeral to the 'Tia Fund' that will soon be given to the NNU at University College Hospital, London, in Tia's name to help sick babies like her.
Tia meant to world to both her me and her daddy and she would have been the most loved and spoiled little girl there ever was. We may have only got 20 hours with her but it felt like a lifetime and we will cherish those hours in our hearts forever.
Tia you are the most beautiful thing we have ever seen. You are the best thing that has ever happened to us and we are, and always will be, so proud of you princess. We will never ever forget you! Sleep well and go play with angels darling, our only comfort is knowing you're not suffering anymore...
We love you so much, Mummy & Daddy xxxxx
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Update May08
We raised £650 from Tia's funeral which was donated to the Neo-Natal Unit at UCLH on 28th April 08. With the help of Gift Aid the hospital should also be able to claim an extra £182 from the government, giving them a total of £832! We suggested that the money be used to improve facilities for parents who's babies were in the NNU. There is now a memorial of Tia on the wall of the NNU showing the money that was donated in her memory.
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Update Sept08
I am pregnant again with Tia's little brother or sister due 5th February 09! We know what we are having but are not revealing until the day, but lets just say we are over the moon! We know that Tia has been watching over us as for once we are getting some good luck and things are looking better, i hope that this little darling i'm carrying will resemble you so we can see you growing up with them as the years go on. Nothing or no-one can fill the empty space we feel in our hearts, but I guess having your sibling is the closest we will be to you my sweetheart. xxxxxx
Update Feb09
Tia's baby sister Layla Rose came into the world on 7th Feb 09 at 2:55am, weighing 8lbs 12oz. She is happy and healthy and the image of her big sister..x
A Mother's Love
I didn’t have to look into your eyes
To fall in love with you.
I didn’t have to hear you cry
To know you loved me too.
I didn’t need to hold your hand
To cherish you always.
Within my womb we shared our hearts
You touched my soul
You sweetened my spirit
You gave me memories I’ll always
Hold very dear
Yes, my heart aches since
You departed so soon
But a mothers love does not
End with death
For you are my child
my love is forever yours.
Live For Me
If I could, I would tell you that I love you
And that I chose to spend the time I had with you.
If I could, I would tell you that you are not to blame
For all was written in the stars, so long ago.
If I could I would tell you that I love you
And just how much our time together meant to me;
How I remember every kiss, and the loving arms that held me
And in my memory, I beg of you, please don't forget to live!
LIVE FOR ME! Don't take a moment for granted
Every breath you take and every friend you make is a precious, precious gift.
LIVE FOR ME! Open up your heart and let the people that surround you
Help you love again - LOVE and LIVE for me!
If I could, I would tell you that I love you
And I remember every precious moment shared.
I would ask you to release any pain that still remains
And fill your heart with peace and love for you and me.
If I could, I would tell you that I love you
I would hold your hand and tell you that I am fine.
Cause here I play with the angels, and I even dance with God among the stars
And the love and light I feel is all I need!
LIVE FOR ME! Don't take a moment for granted
Every breath you take and every friend you make is a precious, precious gift.
LIVE FOR ME! Open up your heart and let the people that surround you
Help you love again - LOVE and LIVE for me!!!
Forgive yourself and love yourself and
Love all those around you; in memory of me.
LIVE FOR ME! Your life is a gift of mine as much as it is yours
So please, please, LIVE and LOVE for Me!
I Shall Remember You
I shall remember you for as long
as there are fields of snow
And there are flowers in the ground
with strength to grow.
As long as there are stars above
and moonbeams on the sea,
And just as long as there are songs
of love and memory.
I shall remember you today
and dreams of you tonight,
And look for you tomorrow when
the sun begins to light.
Whatever season, month or year
this much will be the same,
The special sound of joy will be
the mention of your name.
I shall remember you for as long
as there are earth and sky.
And all eternity
may it take to say goodbye.
This Woman's Work by Kate Bush
Heard this and thought of you...
Pray God you can cope.
I stand outside this woman's work,
This woman's world.
Ooh, it's hard on the man,
Now his part is over.
Now starts the craft of the father.
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.
I should be crying, but I just can't let it show.
I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking
Of all the things I should've said,
That I never said.
All the things we should've done,
That we never did.
All the things I should've given,
But I didn't.
Oh, darling, make it go,
Make it go away.
Give me these moments back.
Give them back to me.
Give me that little kiss.
Give me your hand.
(I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.)
I should be crying, but I just can't let it show.
I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking
Of all the things we should've said,
That were never said.
All the things we should've done,
That we never did.
All the things that you needed from me.
All the things that you wanted for me.
All the things that I should've given,
But I didn't.
Oh, darling, make it go away.
Just make it go away now.
♥ღ♥ A Last Goodbye ♥ღ♥
Though happily each year began
I had to die whilst very young
It is so long since our last touch
And I miss your presence there so much
Of many things I needed to learn
So to this place God made me turn
Yet with so many things to do
I have taken this moment to speak to you
The life that was, was not to be mine
Yet within this world it has worked out fine
Where I am now I have found new friends
In a place called Heaven where the spirit ascends
Straight to this world few pass it by
And no one here can really die
Although this child you cannot see
I know you'd be so proud of me
I look forward to when I'll see you mum
So until it is your time to come
Enjoy your life
And please don't cry
I just came to say goodbye.
Steve Franklin Palmer
♥ ♥ HEAVEN ♥ ♥
Heaven would not be Heaven
Without the children there,
Playing hide and seek in pearly mists
Free from every pain and care.
Heaven would not be Heaven
Without their carefree rapture,
Scrambling through the fluffy clouds
Each happy moment to capture
♥ ♥
Heaven would not be Heaven
Without their shouts and laughter
Echoing across Elysian fields
As starbursts they chase after
Heaven would not be Heaven
Without their joyful choir
Ringing through celestial realms
Sweet voices rising ever higher
♥ ♥
Heaven would not be Heaven
Without their radiant light,
Undimmed by earth's murky shades
Their robes shining bright.
Heaven would not be Heaven
Without their smiles of pleasure,
Bearing sheaves of rainbow flowers;
Children are Heaven's treasure.
♥ ♥
Just a quick message to say...
Its strange how every time I hear that someone has died it makes me feel so sad, even if I didnt know them. For instance, on the motorway yesterday we had to drive past the scene of an accident where a man had died and them someone daddy works with who'd id also never met and i just couldnt help but feel really sad for them and their families. Ever since losing you I can't help but remember how it felt when you went and it brings it all back again. I know mummy is probably over emotional but it just shows how much i miss you. I cant even stand in a card shop and read 'daughter' cards without feeling a tear roll down my face! I guess these are all things that will never go away and i'll just have to learn to live with...Forever loving & missing you, Mummy xxxx
18 Months On
Its been over a year now
and Tia how I still miss you.
I cant believe how much it still hurts,
Or how I still feel so blue.
People think things are better now,
Since your sister has come here to stay.
But they don’t realise I still want you,
And I ache for you every day.
I thought as months went on it would get better,
And that time would help heal the pain.
But now I know I was so wrong,
I know now I will never feel the same.
I am happy that I’ve got Layla here,
Oh she’s a little angel too.
She’s here to keep us all smiling,
But she can’t protect us like you.
I often think about the day you were born,
And about the sudden change of weather.
That day it snowed would change my life,
And then life would be different forever.
I hate that you had to leave us,
Because I had planned our lives with you.
But in your short time you did so much,
I think you did what you were sent to do.
In recent months things have become nicer,
Its been a lot better since May.
The family is now how it should be,
Now that someone can’t get in the way.
Now and then I will look over at Layla,
Knowing there are bits of you there.
It makes me smile because I love both of you,
But then cry as its too much to bear.
You would have loved your little sister,
Shes adorable and she’s so funny.
Layla’s the perfect mix of all 3 of us,
And the only thing that’s really helped mummy.
Last year was the worst of my life!
Yet it was also one of the best.
Because darling I still got to meet you,
I never thought I would have laid you to rest.
I think about all the years ahead of us,
And how I’ll cope with what should have been.
First day at school and then boyfriends,
All those days that I should have seen.
I dread to think of those birthdays,
Sixteen, Eighteen and Twentyone!
My little lady becoming a woman,
Come to terms that your short life is done.
This Christmas should have been wonderful,
With none of us being apart.
But im sure our thoughts will be up in heaven,
Up there with all of our hearts.
It kills me to write down these words,
I am trying to write through the tears.
I will always miss you my darling
I will miss you for the rest of my years.
All my love Mummy….xxxxxx
Hannah Byron 8th Sept 09.
Well hello my darling...
Hello Gorgeous Girl!
Sorry mummy hasnt been on here in a while, the computer was down for a while and then i couldnt remember my password to log on to here.
I hope you like your newly re-freshed garden and all your new things. We felt that after the cold winter it needed renewing and it looks gorgeous again now, the best garden over there by far!
Life was starting to get really good again until the set back we had this week. Please help to make everything ok as we really need you right now. Layla is getting very big now and has four teeth, with the next two top ones about to come through. I still miss you everyday my darling and talk about you often. I hope you are ok and happy where you are, i am hoping to go and see a medium soon so see if i can get any messages on how you're doing.
Mummys going to the hairdressers tomorrow, i feel like a change and want a new look so i'm going red! Bit scared but i've wanted to do it for ages. Then daddy me uncle matt and Carly are off to Thorpe Park on Thursday, leaving layla with nanny mads. Off to Birmingham for the weekend too which should be nice.
Anyway i'm going to put some new pics on here of you're garden even though it looks even better now since i put colourful stones on and a big bright windmill.
Love you lots, and never more than a thought away.
Mummy xxxxxxx
I cried for you by Katie Melua x
You're beautiful so silently
It lies beneath a shade of blue
It struck me so violently
When I looked at you
But others pass, they never pause
To feel that magic in your hand
To me you're like a wild rose
They never understand why
I cried for you
When the sky cried for you
And when you went
I became a hopeless drifter
But this life was not for you
Though I learned from you
That beauty need only be a whisper
I'll cross the sea for a different world
With your treasure, a secret for me to hold
In many years they may forget
This love of ours or that we met
They may not know
How much you meant to me
I cried for you
And the sky cried for you
And when you went
I became a hopeless drifter
But this life was not for you
Though I learned from you
That beauty need only be a whisper
Without you now I see
How fragile the world can be
And I know you've gone away
But in my heart you'll always stay
I cried for you
When the sky cried for you
And when you went
I became a hopeless drifter
But this life was not for you
Though I learned from you
That beauty need only be a whisper
That beauty need only be a whisper
sending all my love
The Little Wave
The story is about a little wave, bobbing along in the ocean, having a grand old time. He's enjoying the wind and the fresh air – until he notices the other waves in front of him, crashing against the shore. “My God, this terrible,” the wave says. “Look what's going to happen to me!”
Then along comes another wave. It sees the first wave, looking grim, and it says to him: “Why do you look so sad?” The first wave says: “You don't understand! We're all going to crash! All of us waves are going to be nothing! Isn't it terrible?”
The second wave says: “No, you don't understand. You're not a wave; you're part of the ocean.”
Taken from the novel "Tuesdays With Morrie" by Mitch Albom.
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