| Location | Waltham Abbey, Essex |
| Age | 1 day |
| Cause of Death | Not Listed? |
| Date of Birth | 20/03/2008 |
| Date of Death | 21/03/2008 |
| Visitors | 9,338 since 15/04/2008 |
| Creator | |
| Helpers |
~In Loving Memory ~
Tia Lillie Byron McDonnell
Born on 20th March 2008 at 23:45
Fell asleep on 21st March 2008 at 21:00
Baby daughter of Hannah Byron and Andrew McDonnell
Tia was born weighing 9lb 2oz and had a thick head of long dark brown hair, much to the surprise of
everyone in the delivery room! She had dark blue eyes and was a lovely pink colour. She will be very
much remembered by those that got to meet her. She had the cutest big feet...the newborn socks I put
on her just about fitted.
Sadly Tia passed away at only 20 hours old due to Pulmonary Hypoplasia. When I was 21 weeks pregnant
the doctors found that Tia had a pleural effusion (fluid in a space in the lung where there should
be none) and this had caused her right lung to not be able to developed properly. Further
ultrasounds later found that she also had a Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia (CDH). Tia was given a
60-70% chance of survival before birth, which unfortunately decreased when she was born. The doctors
realised her left lung had also not developed the way it should have. This caused Tia to not be able
to get enough oxygen round her body and they were unable to stabilize her. Her little heart stopped
at around 9pm as she no longer had the strength to fight.
The whole pregnancy was spent worrying about Tia and how things might go, by not just us but most of
our family and friends too. With Andy's help I was able to stay positive and we really believed our
little girl would be Ok in the end. I was referred to a Fetal Medicine Unit in London and attended
fortnightly check-ups and ultrasounds, which in spite of everything we enjoyed, as we got to see our
little girl growing at every stage and we got to see her lovely little face in 4D. At around 26
weeks pregnant I had a pleuro-amniotic drain which involved a needle going through me and into Tia's
chest to drain the excess fluid, which unfortunately re-accumulated a week later. The decision was
made not to drain it again as the cause was unknown and it would have been unnecessary to keep
putting both me and Tia through the pain. The plan was made for the birth and I would be induced two
weeks early so that the right people could be standing by ready for Tia entering the world. I went
into hospital on Monday 17th March where we had the shunt done again, in order to give Tia more lung
space when she was born, I was kept in for a few days after that. I met some lovely people while in
hospital and some great midwives. One night before bed I was put on the monitors to check Tia's
heartbeat and her little personality already started to show, she would have a lovely heartbeat
while the midwife was standing next to the machine but the moment she would walk out of the room,
Tia would 'play up' and make the alarms sound only to return to normal when the midwife came back
in. This would make both the midwife and me laugh, she was so much like her daddy already, a joker.
After days of waiting anxiously for a cot to become available and then a delivery bed, it came to
the Thursday (20th March) and I was finally to be induced, at 39 weeks. I was taken down to the
delivery room, more nervous than I've ever been in my life, not for the pain but for the worry that
I knew would come afterwards. The room was really big and all the equipment that lay waiting for the
baby terrified me. I was induced at 16:55 and then spent the next few hours trying to pass the time.
My waters broke naturally with what felt like a 'pop' at 21:50 and by 22:00 I was having really
strong contractions.
At 23:45 out came Tia with a hand over her face and the cord wrapped around her neck. The doctors
lay her on me for a second while they did what they had to do with the cord. I will never forget the
proud look on Andy's face when he looked at me, sobbing with tears telling me how beautiful our baby
girl was. I barely got to see her before she was sedated, intubated and whisked out of the room and
down to the NNU. They had to sedate her so that she wouldn't try and fight them as she tried to
breath by herself and this could have caused her harm. As soon as I got cleaned up and stitched from
my 2nd degree tear, I went straight down to meet my little girl.
She lay there so small and helpless in her incubator and from then on I didn't leave her side,
unless I had to step out for the doctors to get to her. She had taken a bad turn just after she was
born and they had to change her ventilation as she didn't like the first method. I had refused to go
up to the ward to sleep and Andy didn't want to go home, we both waited in the NNU waiting room a
few rooms down from Tia for the next 3 hours until we were allowed in to see her. She had a number
of x-rays and tests done over the next few hours which was showing that she was not doing as well as
we had all hoped she might when I was pregnant. Her right lung had ruptured leaving her with two
poorly lungs and not able to oxygenate her body. She was given a blood transfusion and then she
started to perk up, looking a lovely pink colour for what would be the last time. Her oxygen levels
were sitting at around 70-80% and this gave us so much hope for her.
The consultants explained how they had now tried everything they could for Tia and now we just
needed to hope she could stay the way she was, it was all in her hands. I stayed next to her for the
next few hours holding her tiny hand and kissing her and singing silly songs to her. The nurses
actually told me that while I was with her doing these things, her stats stayed good. It came to
about 20:00 that night and we had to step out while they did another x-ray and staff change over.
Just after 20:30, Tia's nurse was banging on our room door with tears in her eyes, telling us to
come quickly. Tia had taken a turn for the worst and her lungs were failing her...her stats were
reading at about 7% oxygen in her whole body. I walked up to my little girl crying and angry that
they had turned off her overhead heater, I was told this was because her temperature had been very
high. I knew what was happening but I couldn't face it. I pleaded with Tia to perk up but I knew it
was nearing the end. Andy and I were taken into a room where the doctor explained what was happening
and asking for our permission to turn off her machines. They assured us that they had been on the
phone all day to Great Ormond Street hospital who were giving advice and until all avenues had been
exhausted. Even still, I begged the doctor to try something else but there was nothing she could say
to me, she just sat watching me screaming and crying. The next thing, there was a knock at the door
with a male nurse calling the doctor out. The doctor walked back in and her next words were "I'm
sorry, but her heart has stopped"....Those words will stick with me forever.
Tia was supposed to be transferred to GOSH just as soon as she was stable enough to have repair
surgery on her diaphragm, but unfortunately, we never got there.
I sometimes feel so angry with myself for being so selfish and asking Tia to hang on when she was so
weak, but I just couldn't bare to lose her, I loved her too much to imagine being without her. It
seemed that she knew how hard it was for us to make the decision that was being asked of us, so she
made the choice for us.
Over the next few hours, we gave her her first cuddles and bathed and changed her. Walking out of
the hospital at around 1am without my little girl was just horrible. We made sure to get as many
memories of her as we could including photo's, a lock of her hair, the hat she wore in the NNU, her
cord clamp and her hand and footprints. They will never be enough, but they help.
I am truly thankful to the specialists that looked after Tia while she was inside me, especially Mr
Pandya and his team. We will be eternally grateful to the nurses and doctors in the Neonatal Unit
who did all they could and for not leaving Tia's side, they really are angels and we knew our little
girl was in the best hands there. Also the family and friends who have been there for us both and
have helped get us through this hard time. Also my midwives, Linda and Jaz, who have been great
support and who have not forgotten about me.
Tia was laid to rest in Waltham Abbey Cemetery on 2nd April 2008 after a lovely service held at
Waltham Abbey Church, by Rev Martin Webster. The church had few empty seats, if any and it was nice
to have such a good turn out for our little girl. It just showed how many people wanted to meet her
and how loved she is.
I would like to thank all those people who kindly and generously donated money at Tia's funeral to
the 'Tia Fund' that will soon be given to the NNU at University College Hospital, London, in Tia's
name to help sick babies like her.
Tia meant to world to both her me and her daddy and she would have been the most loved and spoiled
little girl there ever was. We may have only got 20 hours with her but it felt like a lifetime and
we will cherish those hours in our hearts forever.
Tia you are the most beautiful thing we have ever seen. You are the best thing that has ever
happened to us and we are, and always will be, so proud of you princess. We will never ever forget
you! Sleep well and go play with angels darling, our only comfort is knowing you're not suffering
anymore...
We love you so much, Mummy & Daddy xxxxx
---------------------
Update May08
We raised £650 from Tia's funeral which was donated to the Neo-Natal Unit at UCLH on 28th April 08.
With the help of Gift Aid the hospital should also be able to claim an extra £182 from the
government, giving them a total of £832! We suggested that the money be used to improve facilities
for parents who's babies were in the NNU. There is now a memorial of Tia on the wall of the NNU
showing the money that was donated in her memory.
---------------------
Update Sept08
I am pregnant again with Tia's little brother or sister due 5th February 09! We know what we are
having but are not revealing until the day, but lets just say we are over the moon! We know that Tia
has been watching over us as for once we are getting some good luck and things are looking better, i
hope that this little darling i'm carrying will resemble you so we can see you growing up with them
as the years go on. Nothing or no-one can fill the empty space we feel in our hearts, but I guess
having your sibling is the closest we will be to you my sweetheart. xxxxxx
Update Feb09
Tia's baby sister Layla Rose came into the world on 7th Feb 09 at 2:55am, weighing 8lbs 12oz. She is
happy and healthy and the image of her big sister..x
Rebecca Smith would like to invite you to her 10th birthday party tomorrow. Its in tiny tot heaven and its a all day party so please put on your party wings and come and have lots of fun. love as always xx
"Have You Ever?" by Ruth Sparrey
Have you ever stood and looked up into the clear night sky
Wondering if your little soul is out there dancing amid the countless others?
Have you ever looked into the face of another and read the lines so finely etched?
Have you ever looked between the words that have not been spoken?
Have you ever felt like the protective lioness that has nothing to protect?
Have you ever left your known existence to walk another path?
Have you ever cried endless tears, alone and broken?
Have you ever shared purest love, love that you would not normally express?
Have you ever felt something grow but have it taken away before its flower?
Have you ever watched a child and thought this is what it should be?
Have you ever been part of a conversation in which you do not fit?
Have you ever had to climb an emotional mountain, never to reach the summit?
Have you ever nurtured a memory in order to give life to the already departed?
Have you ever been asked how you are feeling and known that the question was real?
Have you ever been kept awake for fear that someone else in your world will leave you?
Have you ever caught a moment and cherished it for the peace that it brings?
Have you ever smiled and danced in the rain knowing that one day you will rise?
Have you ever just simply breathed to let yourself be free?
Have you ever hidden away from the world, just for a while, so that you can face another day?
Have you ever found comfort from the gentle flicker of a simple flame?
Have you ever held out your hand to another, knowing that this is the only thing you can do?
Have you ever felt your blessing is not understood for what it should be?
Have you ever stood and looked up into the clear night sky
Knowing that your little soul is out there dancing in the company of others?
For Tia & her family
Your hands as gentle as a breeze
On a cold winter’s day.
Ribbons of love fold between your fingers,
Baby colours rest upon your skin
Like the softness of you.
Pale shades connect my thoughts to you.
Our souls bound by ribbons of love.
Christmas has come and gone...
Good morning my angel, just thought i would stop by and leave a little message. Yesterday was as nice as it could be, but wasn't what i had imagined for us all this time last year. I remember last Christmas when Daddy and me were putting the tree away we were saying "this time next year you will be here and pulling all the decorations off as we tried to put them on". I hope that you had a nice time up there yesterday and that you had fun. We had a lovely dinner at nanny's and later came home and watched a film with uncle matt and aunty lauren, mummy hasnt been very well this week so wasnt up to doing much.
It has been a really rough year and losing you back in March was the hardest thing both me and your daddy will ever have to do, I just hope that 2009 is a bit kinder to us. I know you wont be here with us but i hope you will be watching and will be watching over us when your little sibling comes into the world in just a few weeks. It still doesnt feel real that i'm going to be giving birth to another little baby, someone who will be as close to you as we will ever be. I wish you were here to start a life time bond that would have lasted forever, im sure the two of you would have loved each other so much and always been close. From the day this baby is born i will talk of you and your name will always be spoken. You are a big part of our family being our eldest and i promise never to let people forget you.
2009 is fast approaching and i'm a little bit nervous about it, a lot of me is thinking that i dont want to be a year away from you as it seems to far! Since having you I have changed so much, what i mean is that i dont worry about the little things in life that shouldnt really matter anymore. I am so much stronger than i was this time last year, nothing or no-one can bring me down now and i wont let anyone make me feel bad about myself anymore. My values have changed and i dont worry about materialistic things anymore, you, your daddy and the new baby are and always will be my main concerns.
Since you left us it seems that our luck has begun to change and i dont know if you have something to do with that?? People say that you were sent to us to be our guardian angel and i guess it must be true. As much as i wanted to keep you forever, you were never meant for this world, you are too beautiful, but in those short 20 hours you touched so many people and changed a lot of lives. That's more than people could do who are here for over 20 years! I think that was your purpose. I promise that when Daddy and me get married, people will remember you and you will not go unmentioned. Even though your Daddy and me grow more in love everyday and are so strong, a lot of that was helped by you. Like some people have said to us, after everything we have had to go through, we are now for life.
Tia, the 4 of us (and anyone else that comes into the world in years to come) are a family. That is unbreakable....
Love you my angel and here's to your 1st Christmas D-(
Mummy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Missing You, Child, at Christmas
Everybody's rushing round
Full of festive cheer
But I'm finding all I want to do
At Christmas, is come here.
To talk to you a little while
And light a candle or two
I can't buy you a present
So what else can I do?
Remember child, I love you
I'm still hurting with this pain
I don't think it will ever stop
Until I'm with you once again.
Have A Good Weekend Everyone
If I Knew
If I knew it would be the last time
That I'd see you fall asleep,
I would tuck you in more tightly
and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.
If I knew it would be the last time
that I see you walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and kiss
and call you back for one more.
If I knew it would be the last time
I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise,
I would video tape each action and word,
so I could play them back day after day.
If I knew it would be the last time,
I could spare an extra minute
to stop and say "I love you,"
instead of assuming you would KNOW I do.
If I knew it would be the last time
I would be there to share your day,
well I'm sure you'll have so many more,
so I can let just this one slip away.
For surely there's always tomorrow
to make up for an oversight,
and we always get a second chance
to make everything just right.
There will always be another day
to say "I love you,"
And certainly there's another chance to say
our "Anything I can do?"
But just in case I might be wrong,
and today is all I get,
I'd like to say how much I love you
and I hope we never forget.
Tomorrow is not promised to anyone,
young or old alike,
And today may be the last chance
you get to hold your loved one tight.
So if you're waiting for tomorrow,
why not do it today?
For if tomorrow never comes,
you'll surely regret the day,
That you didn't take that extra time
for a smile, a hug, or a kiss
and you were too busy to grant someone,
what turned out to be their one last wish.
So hold your loved ones close today,
and whisper in their ear,
Tell them how much you love them
and that you'll always hold them dear
Take time to say "I'm sorry,"
"Please forgive me," "Thank you," or "It's okay."
And if tomorrow never comes,
you'll have no regrets about today.
Thoughts Today Memories Forever
Angela(Christopher-John Rowe)Mum
Some song lyrics that I came across...
Hello my little darling. I was listening to some music today and came across this one that I thought was very fitting for me and you...so thought i'd share it. x
Celine Dion - Goodbye's The Saddest Word
Mamma
You gave life to me
Turned a baby into a lady
And mamma
All you had to offer
Was a promise of a lifetime of love
Now I know
There is no other
Love like a mother's love for her child
And I know
love so complete
Someday must leave
Must say goodbye
Goodbye's the saddest word I'll ever hear
Goodbye's the last time I will hold you near
Someday you'll say that word and I will cry
It'll break my heart to hear you say goodbye
Mamma
You gave love to me
Turned a young one into a woman
And mamma
All I ever needed
Was a guarantee of you loving me
'Cause I know
There is no other
Love like a mother's love for her child
And it hurts so
That something so strong
Someday'll be gone, must say goodbye
Goodbye's the saddest word I'll ever hear
Goodbye's the last time I will hold you near
Someday you'll say that word and I will cry
It'll break my heart to hear you say goodbye
But the love you givin me will always live
You'll always be there every time I fall
You are to me the greatest love of all
you take my weakness
and make me strong
And I will always love you
Till forever comes
And when you need me
I'll be there for you always
I'll be there your whole life through
I'll be there Please stop crying its me, mamma
I'll be your beacon through your darkest night
I'll be your wings that guide your broken heart
I'll be your shelter through the raging storm
and I will love you till forever comes
Goodbye's the saddest word I'll ever hear
Goodbye's the last time I will hold you near
Someday you'll say that word and I will cry
It'll break my heart to hear you say goodbye
'Till we meet again...
Until then...
Goodbye......
A FATHER'S LOSS
It must be very difficult
To be a man in grief,
Since ‘men don’t cry’ and ‘men are strong’
No tears can bring relief.
It must be very difficult
To stand up to the test,
And field the calls and visitors
So she can get some rest.
They always ask if she’s alright
And what she’s going through,
But seldom take his hand and say
‘My friend, and how are you?’
He hears her crying in the night
And thinks his heart will break,
He dries her tears and comforts her
But ‘stays strong’ for her sake.
It must be very difficult
To start each day anew,
And try to be so very brave
- He lost his baby too.
This poem was passed onto me by a dear friend for my partner Andy, the love of my life who has been my rock throughout this last year. I was telling her about how strong he has been and how I often worry about how is feeling and coping with losing our precious daughter and so she sent me this for him...
Thanks Rachel x
from another mum
I have just read your story on the Cherubs site.Your precious daughter Tia is beautiful,I am so sorry she lost her fight with CDH. I too lost my precious son Joel to LCDH, he left us after just 17 hours 48 minutes. Our stories are very similar.Thinking of you
Lots of love Debbiexxxxxx
www.joelarchie.piczo.com
A little present from me to you
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